The Thing at the Bottom of the Pile
Nikki has a theory that when you let things pile up, there’s a Thing at the bottom of the pile that you don’t want to face.
Well … the last few hours have been like a movie thriller between me and the Thing. You know, like the movie in which the heroine is moving about her house often bare steps away from the monster (or the killer) and WE know it’s there but the heroine doesn’t. She gets close and we grip the arms of our chairs, wanting to yell “Look out, there it is!!” and just as it ALMOST jumps out and grabs her, something comes up to save her: the doorbell rings and she goes to answer it; she bends down to pick up a bit of fluff; she closes the closet door.
Of course I have that feeling only in retrospect, since in this movie I was the unsuspecting heroine.
OK, I’ve been putting off cleaning up a LOT of piles of stuff in my life, as anyone who has been anywhere near me knows all too well. One of those piles is about balancing my checkbook. It’s been a VERY long time since I did that. It’s not critical the way it used to be, since I download everything into Quicken and I have a bounce-proof account, so I don’t really HAVE to know. But I’m kind of into phase two of being away from Chase, namely that the checks aren’t coming in any more, so I have to really know where I stand financially. Do I need to work? What do I need to earn? To figure this out, I have to know how much I have and how much I spend. Very straightforward. Unless you’ve been letting things pile up for a LONG time. Well guys, time to start working on the piles … I even hired myself a person to help me do this — major milestone to admit I need help on this one, and not just from a higher power!
So today was the day to update the Citibank checkbook against Quicken. I won’t give you the blow-by-blow but it involved the computer crashing several times, restoring backups, running up and downstairs with the phone, my files and my date book. FINALLY after a few hours I had all the new checks in and accounted for. Then I thought, let’s go back and see when it was that I last reconciled a statement with the computer. And while I’m at it, let’s go backwards slowly and make sure all the checks that should be there ARE there.
Scroll backwards slowly, fixing dates here and there, computer crashes, phone rings, go get lunch, the monster lurks but the heroine evades it. More backwards scrolling, some checks out of order … did I miss a whole book somehow? No, no, they really were out of order. Another phone call. Open some mail. Hang up the laundry. The monster breathes.
Back to scrolling and my eye catches the telltale “R” — a reconciled check. And it is ….
the last check written before Paul died, a series of about five I wrote to the man who came and sat with him so I could go home and rest some.
SKLOMP
The monster gets its teeth on the heroine.
And just before those checks, the last few that Paul wrote, in his failing handwriting, one written all wrong and noted “oops”. One in the register but the check was never written. One was to the man who rebuilt the piano. One was to Grace Church, the Sunday we had the flat tire and Clare drove us home.
And just after those checks, a whole bunch that Doug wrote when everyone was here for the funeral.
A little history of that sad time, all on one page of a checkbook register.
Well, I am still alive. Now the question is, has the monster lost its power, or has it only grown stronger? I don’t doubt that *I* have grown stronger, so I may yet prevail.
Watch these pages.
Love, Kitty