Reflections on B+

Well, while I was registering for NYU courses for the coming semester, I fell over the info that I could actually get my grade for last semester by punching a couple of buttons on the phone, so I figured what the heck. Why not find out the awful truth?

Well, the awful truth is, I got a B+ for my semester of Fund Raising Principles.

OK, OK … to the people who asked, I said as the term went on that I wasn’t very happy about how I was doing, and a lot a folks said “Yeah, yeah. Typical Kitty.” Now this seems to prove that all those folks were right and I was ….

wrong?

What is happening here? Am I too hard on myself? Am I too hard on the whole human race? For myself I answer those questions no and no, but for different reasons.

Regarding myself: I suppose something could be said for lightening up in some ways, at least to the extent of not beating up on myself when I don’t deliver every stitch that I THOUGHT I’d do. But there’s something about that idea that troubles me, too. I’m not quite sure exactly where I want to come down. My coach says “Under-promise and over-deliver.” I pasted that one up on my refrigerator for a while to remind myself to think about that often. In a way it seems like a good idea. If you always do that, you never disappoint anyone. People know they can count on you to do what you say and maybe more. That sounds a lot better than “MAYBE I’ll so what I say.” — sometimes leaving people in the lurch.

But on the other hand, if you don’t set some goals beyond your reach, how do you ever get beyond your reach? If I don’t have a few irons in the fire, how can I count on getting at least one hot one?

And if I don’t have high standards, won’t things slide more?

And then, regarding the human race … Yes, sure, sometimes some people disappoint me — notably those who say they’ll call and don’t. But otherwise I feel like I’m a very lucky human being in the friends and relations I have, and in my associates too. That was brought home to me with abundant clarity at my party last Saturday. Those are real friends who were there, and they are really wonderful people. And there are many others who could NOT be there for one reason or another, and they are wonderful too. I am truly blessed. You can’t be hard on people who bring you such joy!

So I’m wondering if there’s some kind of different game I could play in my head that would somehow lighten the ache but still let me strive.

Any thoughts? They’re welcome!

Love, Kitty